Installing the Addons - Helping My Son Learn the Social Game
Today I went on a field trip with my son. I expected noise, awkward bus ride snacks, maybe a few animal facts if we were lucky. What I didn’t expect was a time warp straight into my own middle school past.
I watched my son do something that hit me hard: he stood apart from the group the entire time. Not in an I’m-too-cool-for-this kind of way - more like I’m here, but not sure how to connect. He didn’t initiate any conversations. Didn’t join in. His shoulders were slightly turned away, his arms tucked in, eyes on the ground or into the distance.
To the average onlooker? He was clearly signaling leave me alone.
But to me? I knew that signal. That invisible aura. That same old “I don’t know how to start” body language I once wore like armor.
Later, I gently asked him, “Do you want to make friends?”
He nodded without hesitation. Yes.
That simple answer nearly undid me.
Because yes means he wants connection. It also means he doesn’t yet know how to build it.
So we had a talk - parent to child, but also neurospicy person to neurospicy person. I explained to him what I saw in his nonverbal communication and how it might be interpreted by his classmates. His shy reads to them as uninterested. His stillness says stay away even when his heart says please come closer.
And I told him the truth: some of us didn’t get the “social skills” module installed by default.
We’re like fresh WoW toons with no UI mods. No raid markers. No damage meters. No emote wheel.
But! The good news is - you can install addons. You can learn. You can customize.
I used our shared language: World of Warcraft.
“Social skills are addons,” I told him. “Some kids are born with them pre-installed. But others, like us? We have to seek them out, download them, test them, and eventually figure out how to use them in a way that still feels like us.”
Watching him today flooded me with memories. I remembered standing exactly where he stood, in exactly the same silence. I remembered trading vulnerability for invisibility. And I remembered how long it took me to piece together the toolkit I needed to flourish.
I don’t want him to learn it all the hard way.
He’ll have his own challenges. His own bosses to down. But if I can share my macros? My scripts? My quest log? Maybe I can save him a few unnecessary wipes.
He doesn’t need to mask. He just needs tools.
And I’ll be right there - visible, encouraging, maybe holding the map while he figures out where to go next.
Because we’re not broken.
We’re just playing with a different interface.
And we’re learning to win.
#LevelUp #NeurospicyGrowth